RockRoast

When I found out about the True Symphonic Rockestra project about a year ago, I was very much intrigued by it. Apparently some guy over in Germany wanted to use a rock singer and two trained opera singers to perform heavy metal versions of classic Three Tenors songs. It seemed like, if properly executed, it could turn out very well. So when the True Symphonic Rockestra’s album, Concerto in True Minor, was released, I made sure to pick it up. And I was disappointed to discover that, in a discouraging number of ways, it wasn’t properly executed.

Let’s get the negative stuff out of the way first. Here are the problems with Concerto in True Minor:

1. Vocal Performances
The three singers that project leader Dirk Ulrich recruited were Thomas Dewald, professor for vocals at the University of Mainz, Vladimir Grishko, Cultural Minister of the Ukraine, and James LaBrie, vocalist for Dream Theater. Each of these singers is clearly talented in his own right, but each seemed to be a bit out of his element. LaBrie sounded like he was trying to maximize the operatic quality of his voice by forcing vibrato in places he wouldn’t normally use it. Meanwhile, Grishko’s and Dewald’s parts sound rushed as they struggled to keep up with a more aggressive style of music than they are used to performing.

2. Too Many Songs and Not Enough Song
There are twenty-one tracks on Concerto in True Minor. Considering it plays for a bit over 46 minutes, the average track length comes to two minutes and ten or fifteen seconds. There are classic punk bands that would be proud of that figure.

Obviously, TSR is not punk. The reason so many of their songs are under two minutes is the use of medleys. There are three of them: “A Tribute to Hollywood,” “Cat Stories from West Side,” and “Around the World.” Each medley consists of three or four songs that have been trimmed and unceremoniously shoved up against each other. While this setup allows TSR to cover a larger number of songs in a relatively short amount of time, none of these songs is able to reach its full potential.

This is especially tragic with “Moon River,” a favorite of mine. The arrangements and performances are all good, if a bit rushed. But less than a minute and a half into the song, it suddenly becomes “Singing in the Rain.” The emotional impact of “Moon River” is lost because the song hasn’t been properly developed. The other medleys suffer a similar fate. It’s the sonic equivalent of eating undercooked food.

3. Strings vs. Guitars
It’s a heavy metal album, so it follows logically that there will be some loud guitars involved. But Christoph Wansleben’s strings were often pushed further back in the mix than I’d have liked. It’s unfortunate especially because the strings are consistently fantastic and the guitar work is spotty. Many of the guitar parts are boring and repetitive. For example, “Singing in the Rain” is nearly unlistenable due to the relentlessly chugging guitar that, if it weren’t for the key change halfway through, would have only played two chords. Not only does this ruin the intended mood of the song, but it makes its ninety-second duration seem much, much longer.

Now on to the good things:

1. String Arrangements
Yes, I believe I’ve already addressed this. But the string arrangements are beautiful, so it’s worth saying mentioning it again.

2. Song Choices
TSR’s website made a big deal about how they picked songs that everyone would know, and when I looked over the tracklisting a few months ago, I was a bit skeptical. But on my first listen to the disc, I was impressed to find that almost everything I heard sounded familiar, even the stuff in foreign languages. Apparently Mr. Ulrich knew what he was talking about.

Pretty much all of the songs were good to begin with, which makes them harder to mess up. TSR only managed to slaughter a handful of them, and just as many came out sounding great. The songs that were selected did a lot to lift the album up.

3. Vocals
Yes, the vocals were cited as being a problem. So am I contradicting myself? Yes and no. Even though a lot of the singing seemed a bit off, I guess this kind of talent manages to show itself every now and then regardless of the circumstances. There were some wonderful if isolated vocal moments. LaBrie’s final words on “Nessun Dorma” are masterfully delivered and the first half of the vocals on “Moon River” gives me the chills. (I think “Moon River” is sung by Grishko, but I’m not entirely sure because the liner notes don’t specify who sings lead on any of the songs. So it could have been Dewald. But it was really good, whoever it was.)

The weird thing is that, even though there were a lot of things about Concerto in True Minor that I didn’t like, I find myself desperately hoping that TSR will decide to make another album. I think the reason for that is that all these mistakes are easily remedied. With the possible exception of the guitar work, everything I disliked could just have resulted from these guys trying to do something that hadn’t been done before. Armed with the experience that this album gave them, I really think that The True Symphonic Rockestra could go back into the studio and come up with something much better the second time around.

Just so long as somebody tells Mr. Ulrich to diversify his guitar parts a bit.

Best Performance: Christoph Wansleben, string arrangements and first violin

Worst Performance: Dirk Ulrich, guitar

Buy it if: You’re an opera/show tunes fan, you’re a heavy metal fan, or you’re in the mood for something a little unconventional.

Score: 6/10

Available at Amazon.com
Top Albums of 2008 To Date

Love songs have long been a staple of rock music and many of its various subgenres. That is perhaps why it is so amusing to come across a rock song that seems to give the concept of love the proverbial middle finger. So after a bit of thought and a lot of lyric-reading, I’ve drawn up a list of what I consider to be the least romantic rock songs of all time.

10. Queensryche – Fear City Slide
The main character in the song is sitting there with a gun, contemplating suicide, when the ghost of his dead lover whispers, “Trigger…pull the trigger!” I’m sure the lyrics were meant to lead into a heartwarming reunion in the afterlife. But something about your lover trying to convince you to kill yourself seems a bit wrong.

9. Simon & Garfunkel – I Am a Rock
Somebody’s a little jaded. The narrator of the song hates laughter and loving and has apparently suppressed every kind of positive emotion for fear of being hurt. It’s a pretty bleak song, and not one you often hear a young lad using to serenade a young lass.

8. Muse – Time is Running Out
Don’t play this one during a candlelight dinner. It contains several potentially awkward lines like “I want to break this spell that you’ve created” and “I tried to give you up, but I’m addicted.” But wait for when it all culminates with “you will suck the life out of me.” I really hope that this song is about alcoholism or something, but the amount of personification of the unnamed thing the narrator is talking to worries me that this song really is about a relationship.

7. The Rolling Stones – Under My Thumb
From what I’m told, if you tell a woman you’ll suppress her personality, control her life and generally treat her like an object, she won’t melt like butter. Who knew?

6. The Guess Who – American Woman
So, he’s trying to get rid of this woman that he worries he’s irrationally attracted to. It’s not exactly romantic to begin with, but the icing on the cake is “I got more important things to do/Than spend my time growin’ old with you.” If that’s not a burn, I don’t know what is.

5. Nickelback – Someday
You know the guy’s committed when he promises to fix the relationship “someday…but not right now.” The beginning of the second verse cracks me up, too: “Well I hoped that since we’re here anyway/We could end up saying/Things we’ve always needed to say.” It’s like he’s hoping to patch things up whenever it’s convenient. And the use of “end up” instead of a more voluntary, motivated phrase is also amusing.

4. The Cars – You’re All I’ve Got Tonight
Under the guise of being an “I love you no matter what” song, the lyrics tell a completely different story. I felt like an idiot when I finally realized that the song was really saying, “You’re the best I can get right now, so…I guess I’ll take it.”

3. Porcupine Tree – The Start of Something Beautiful
It’s not exactly a love song to begin with, but when the chorus kicks in things go sour pretty quickly. The chorus contains one of the most casual, dispassionate let-downs of all time: “Innocent, the time we spent, forgot to mention we’re good friends.” That, followed by the cruel, “You thought it was the start of something beautiful? Well, think again” makes this song deliciously unromantic. Whoever the narrator was talking to just got emotionally destroyed.

2. Meat Loaf – Paradise by the Dashboard Light
After spending well over five minutes telling the story of two teenagers making love in a car, this song takes an ironic twist. The female character convinces the male character to promise to love her until the end of time. Immediately following that, the male character claims that he is “praying for the end of time to hurry up and arrive,” because he can’t stand the woman anymore and he’s anxious to be free of her. That’s such a horrible thing to say that, quite honestly, it makes me laugh every time I hear it.

1. Violent Femmes – Ugly
It’s song about a guy who doesn’t like some ugly person. And to add insult to insult, singer Gordon Gano begins chanting and screaming “Ugly!” at the end of the song, just to make sure he got his message across properly.

How’s that for pillow talk?

I stumbled across this video on Morow.com the other day. It’s an interview with Porcupine Tree frontman Steven Wilson, and near the end he gives an interesting answer to one particularly interesting question. The whole interview is pretty good, but if you’re not a Porcupine Tree fan, you might as well just skip to 6:48 for the best part.

The question was, “What is your strategy to struggle against music downloading?” And as far as I’m concerned, Steven hit the nail on the head.

His first point is that Porcupine Tree is not music for “fickle” people. It’s one of the things I love about prog fans. We tend to be completists. If we love the music, we want the whole discography and the whole experience. I suppose I could have pirated Fear of a Blank Planet if I’d wanted to, but, like Steven alluded to, it’s difficult to enjoy music quite as much as listening to an album for the first time with the liner notes in open in your lap.

Which brings us to Steven’s second point: packaging. Fancy boxes, bonus DVDs and riveting artwork all make a piece of music worth owning instead of just listening to. Just yesterday, I pulled out a CD I hadn’t heard all the way through in a while and I sat there listening to it while staring at the artwork in the liner notes and reviewing the lyrics. It’s a great experience, but you need to own the CD to do it. Steven Wilson is right: you can’t download that tactile experience.

At least, not yet. I really hope technology never goes so far as to allow us to do that.

Many people are worried about the death of the compact disc in a download-oriented culture, but I don’t really think it’s a possibility. I will always want a physical, non-digital version of the music I buy, and I know there are plenty of other people like me who will continue to buy CDs. Although I have to say that I would be very amused if, years down the road, progressive bands begin to top the sales charts–not because they’re more popular, but because their fans are the only ones still willing to shell out a couple of bucks for a CD.

I don’t expect that to happen. But it would be hilarious.